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Multiple Monkeys Hospitalized

by j.a. kazimer
Health New Never News

In a horrifying weekend mishap, five little monkeys jumping on a bed have been hospitalized after one by one they fell off and bumped their heads. Zookeepers at the New Never City Zoo were unavailable for comment as to how the actual accident occurred, but rumors of counting sheep involvement persist.

Old Woman Arrested - Shoe Confiscated

By j.a. kazimer
New Never News Crime Beat

Hard times for all, but especially in the Kingdom of Maldetto where the Old Woman Who Lives in a Shoe was recently arrested in a child labor sting. She is accused of using child labor to weave knock off handbags in her shoe. Authorities quickly confiscated the shoe, leaving the Old Woman and her brood of kids with one option, move into section swamp housing.

When asked, the woman responded, "I just don't know what to do!"