For more information on j.a. kazimer's new releases, contests, and events, visit WWW.JAKAZIMER.COM

Prince Charming's Cheap

CURSES! is on SALE!!!!!

You can grab the first book in the F***ed Up Fairy Tale Series, CURSES! at any of the links below:

Then pick up the newest fairy tale in the series, FROGGY STYLE.


It's a Book!

Today FROGGY STYLE finally hits the shelves. Learn more about the secret lives of princes and princess of New Never City in the latest edition of the F***ed Up Fairy Tale Series.


Barnes & Noble


Isn't it Time You Kissed a Toad?

In less than 30 days, FROGGY STYLE will be released. In honor of that, I'm going to give away some cash (okay, a gift card of your choosing), and lots of other semi-lame prizes like ebooks, book-books, and a super special prize of being in my next book (not literally, even if you beg I refuse to drain your blood and use it as ink, so quit asking). But I will name a character after you (or anyone you want) as well as use some personality traits/quirks/kinks. So all of your friends can laugh and jeer you at odd times.

Anyway, to win this amazing prize or prizes, you simply need to sign over your soul. Like you're using it....

I'm running two contests. Please pass it along to your friends, relatives, and enemies. Here are the details for each:

FROGGY STYLE:  Kissing a Frog Sweepstakes
Want to win a fabulous vacation to a tropical island? Or how about a brand new car? If so, I suggest you enter the Publishers Clearing House. If you want to win a semi-cool prize like a $100 gift card to Amazon (or the gift card of your choice) or better yet, infamy when a character based on you (or the person of your choice) appears in book three of the F***ed-Up Fairy Tale series, enter the Kissing a Frog Sweepstakes in honor of the release of the irreverent fairy tale novel FROGGY STYLE. 
It’s easy, mostly painless, and now wart-free.
Enter today at

Sweepstakes ends March 30, 2013.
Kissing a Frog Photo Contest
Are you adorable? Scratch that. Are you willing to embarrass yourself for cash? Then the Kissing a Frog Contest is for you. Take your best digital pic of you/your sister/your grandma/your next door neighbor/your parrot kissing a frog (whether it is an actual frog or a stuffed one, or even your dog in animal drag), and upload it to your facebook/twitter/instagram with the hashtag: #FroggyStyle or send it to to enter. 
Photos will be displayed on author’s website/social media. 
Prizes include a $50 gift card, books, ebooks, and toy frogs.
Contest ends March 30, 2013.

Buck Up, Princess

Feeling especially poor this holiday season? Well there is hope, in the form of a rich, abet stupid crop of princes looking for love in all the gold digging of places.

At, we can help you find your perfect (rich) prince just in time for those annoying holiday balls.

No Present This Christmas

The Ghost of Christmas Present was arrested last night for incandescent exposure after Villain Union Leader, Miss Muffet, complained that while she was sweetly sitting on her tuffet, he came down and sat beside her, scaring her nearly to death.

A bowl of unturned curds was the only evidence left at the scene. 

Prince Hospitalized

Prince Chaffing was hospitalized over the weekend for a wicked rash. Doctors suspect the condition was caused by too tight, tights.

The royal family had no comment.

Mirror Declared Incompetent

Mirror, Mirror on the Wall has been declared incompetent by a jury of his peers. Charges against the mirror were brought by Snow White after the mirror declared the Wicked Witch, "The fairest of them all."

The jury, made up of dwarfs, quickly rendered a guilty verdict.

Pied Piper Arrested

Peter the front-man for the band, The Pied Pipers, was arrested last night after neighbors complain of a loud series of noises coming from his residence. Peter Piper claimed he'd eaten a peck full of  peppers stolen from the Farmer in the Dell this afternoon and the noise was bathroom-related.

The New Never City police didn't buy his tale, so after a search of Peter's residence, police uncovered what appears to be a children's sweat-shop. 

Peter Piper will be arraigned on Tuesday.

Police were unable to locate any of the 'hot' peppers.

Joe White to Toss His Dwarf in the Ring

With the elections over, it is time for New Never City to focus on what's important, next year's election. Citizens will be voting on many things, from the legalization of fairy-dust to the next mayor.

New Never City DA, Joe White, hopes to be that guy. He faces stiff competition from current mayor, Morgana, as known as the wicked witch of the west, east, and most southern kingdoms. Joe White has long been known as the fairest of us all, which puts him at a distinct disadvantage in quest for mayorship.

Win a Copy of FROGGY STYLE!

Want to win a Advance Reader Copy of FROGGY STYLE?

It's easy.

You can enter by clicking LIKE on my author page at j.a. kazimer on facebook at ( or by signing up for my e-newsletter at

I'll draw the winner randomly on December 23rd!

Reporter Reveals Shocking Truth

Cheaters do, in fact, win.

Shocking I know.

Want proof?

Take a look at General Petraeus. He won that Iraq War thingy after all.


Want to Hear a Secret?

Join me for swag and other goodies this Saturday!

j.a. kazimer will host the Boulder Writers’ Workshop Literary Salon on Saturday, October 13.  

The salon will open with a brief reading of work from the tell-all novel, CURSES! and then j.a. kazimer will guide our discussion. Attendees are free to ask questions, as well as throw out discussion topics to the group. 

Make those questions easy. You don't want me to cry!

The Literary Salon is fashioned after the great salons of Paris in the Eighteenth Century, and is free and open to the public. 

Members talk about their writing successes and challenges, solicit advice, share their experiences and keep each other up-to-date on trends. Our topics range widely–covering the art, psychology, spirituality, business and craft of writing and publishing. 

All genres and experience levels are welcome.

The salon runs from 10:30 a.m. to noon at the Villas at the Atrium in Boulder. 

Pre-registration is required at

New Never City Besteller List

A list of the top four books being read by the New Never City elite:

1. 50 Shades of Periwinkle, a not-so-erotic voyage into the sex life of Georgie Porgie.

2. The Hungry Games, a look at the fairy tale relationship between Jack Sprat and his wife following gastric bypass surgery

3. Tinkerlight, a young women with wings falls for a lost boy.

4. CURSES! A F***ed Up Fairy Tale, a New Never City Tell-all

Fire in Greenwitch Villiage Kills Two

By j.a. kazimer
Pyrotechnic Beat New Never News

A freakish four alarm fire broke out overnight at the headquarters of the villain's union in Greenwitch Village costing the lives of two henchmen. The fire burned the first two floors, causing over twenty thousand dollars in damage. VP of Union Affairs, Miss Muffet stated, 'I just sat on my tuffet, eating my curds and whey, when along came a fire...'

Police suspect the fire started when a non-union employee jumped over a candlestick.

Lost Boy Found Dead

by j.a. kazimer
Crime Beat, New never News

Peter Pan, founding member of the band The Lost Boys, Neverland's top grossing boy-band in the late 90's, was found dead in a New Never City hotel room.

Peter's on-again, off -again and often violent relationship with the artist known only as Tink has been well documented. However, in the last year or so, Peter underwent a spiritual transformation at the hands of guru, Smee. At the time of his death, friends say Peter was happy and newly engaged to a darling young lady named Wendy.

Police do suspect fairy play.