by Alicia Howie
Crime Beat, New Never News
All the King’s Men were dispatched late last night to the third block
of New Never City’s Poison Apple Lane. Information is sketchy, but a
source close to the investigation tells us a neighbor reported hearing
loud shouts and ruckuses coming from Snow White’s cottage just before
the mouse ran up the clock.
The neighbor, identified by New Never News as “a mysterious old
woman,” claims Snow White’s tenants, seven surly dwarves, were to
blame. “One girl, seven men, it just couldn’t last,” the source
commented.
Snow White remains in hospital care, her condition listed as the
fairest of them all. Six of the dwarves, Bashful, Doc, Sneezy, Happy,
Grumpy, and Doppy, are being held without bond pending trial. Sleepy,
the only dwarf not involved, could not be reached for comment.
Chance of Falling Sky
By Shannon Lawrence
Weather, New Never News
In weather news today, our rival paper, Chicken Little Gazette, grossly over-exaggerated reports that the sky was falling. You can expect more rain and possibly some hail, but the sky will remain intact. No need to cancel your travel plans.
Weather, New Never News
In weather news today, our rival paper, Chicken Little Gazette, grossly over-exaggerated reports that the sky was falling. You can expect more rain and possibly some hail, but the sky will remain intact. No need to cancel your travel plans.
Red Hooded Serial Killer Strikes Again
By j.a. kazimer
Crime Beat New Never News
The eighth victim of the red-hooded serial murderer was found in a wooded lot behind a nursing home over the weekend. The body is believed to be that of a baker reported missing a week ago. All the victims were located within one mile of the Little Red Senior Living Center. The police have no suspects in any of the crimes, but urge the public (especially those of the wolf race) to take extra precautions when wandering into the enchanted forest. A basket of goodies is being offered as a reward for any information leading to an arrest.
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