The New Never News: 7 Dwarfs of Christmas

by Alicia Howie
Crime Beat, New Never News

All the King’s Men were dispatched late last night to the third block
of New Never City’s Poison Apple Lane. Information is sketchy, but a
source close to the investigation tells us a neighbor reported hearing
loud shouts and ruckuses coming from Snow White’s cottage just before
the mouse ran up the clock.

The neighbor, identified by New Never News as “a mysterious old
woman,” claims Snow White’s tenants, seven surly dwarves, were to
blame. “One girl, seven men, it just couldn’t last,” the source
commented.

Snow White remains in hospital care, her condition listed as the
fairest of them all. Six of the dwarves, Bashful, Doc, Sneezy, Happy,
Grumpy, and Doppy, are being held without bond pending trial. Sleepy,
the only dwarf not involved, could not be reached for comment.

By j.a. kazimer
Happy Holidays New Never News

On the fifth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me...

A dwarf named Dwarf Diddy Dogg (Diddy Dirty Money aka, Sean Puffy Combs, P Diddy, etc, don't get any ideas, I've copyrighted the name) with five golden teeth

Four killer bluebirds

Three little people riding a french poodle

Twin tired dwarfs

And a midget in a pear tree

Anybody else sick of this song yet? It's like that one that never ends...

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