Ask the Wizard, O.Z. M.D

Ask the Wizard, O.Z. M.D

by Shannon Lawrence

Dear Great and Powerful Wizard,

Girls cry when I kiss them. It’s so upsetting that I’ve become addicted to pie in order to self-medicate. Now, not only do I not have a girl, but my weight has ballooned. What can I do?

Georgie Porgie

Dear “Puddin’ N’ Pie” Georgie,

Invest in some mints and eat your vegetables.

The Wizard

Jack's Not So Nimble

by j.a. kazimer
Crime Beat, New Never News

According to court records, Jack B. Nimble was recently apprehended by Detective Goldie Locks of the New Never City Police Department after he allegedly stole a van filled with puddin' & pie on its way to The Georgie Porgie Cafe. Witnesses told police Jack was seen running away following the crime.

Georgie Porgie Arrested for Sexual Assault

By j.a. kazimer
Crime Beat New Never News


Long time New Never City resident, Georgie Porgie was arrested last night for sexual assault after he kissed a girl, made her cry, and then pulled down his pants and ran away when a group of boys came out to play.

Bail has been set at a puddin' and a pie.