Hundreds Mourn After Princess' Death

Hundreds Mourn After Princess' Death
by j.a. kazimer


Hundreds of mourners arrived at Grimm's Cemetery for the funeral of famed princess, Cinderella, who was struck down by the Fairy-Second Street Bus on Saturday. Her fiance, Prince Charming, appeared inconsolable and had to be helped from the graveside by a gaggle of extremely well dressed and good-looking young men.

The only relative not in attendance was Asia, Cinderella's estranged and ugly stepsister.

Wedding Promises to be an Ugly Affair

Wedding of the Century Promises to be an Ugly Affair
by j.a. kazimer
Wedded Bliss, New Never News

The photographer for the upcoming nuptuals of Cinderella to Prince Charming has quit after taking the 'pre-wedding' family photograph, declaring, "Those ugly faces broke my camera."

The royal family had no comment, but did invest in a bundle of paper bags.

Woman Sited Following Car Accident

By j.a. kazimer
Street Beat New Never News


The younger of Cinderella's stepsisters was sited by police yesterday following a three car collision on Grimm's Highway.

The charge? Being ugly, of course.

According to the arresting officer, the accident occurred when the ugly stepsister jaywalked across the highway, and a truck full of chickens narrowed avoided hitting her ugly mug.

When asked why the ugly stepsister cross the road, the police responded, "To get to the other side, you idiot."

Royal Wedding ~ Yeah, Right!

By j.a. kazimer
Royalty New Never News

In a shocking turn of events, commoner favorite, Prince Charming, has asked a scullery maid to be his future wife. A SCULLERY MAID! While this reporter's sure maid maiden Cinderella has some good points, one cannot overlook her career choice. She cleans toilets for frog sakes! Which oddly enough is how the couple met.

The queen was unavailable for comment. "My lady hasn't stopped crying," told the palace butler.