Pig Out Deli Open for Business

By j.a. kazimer
Local Business New Never News


After the deaths of two brothers (Marketing Guru This Little Piggy and Agoraphobic This Little Piggy)in the last month, the middle This Little Piggy, who loves to eat roast beef, has opened his very own deli featuring none other than his secret family recipe for slow cooked roast pork.

Sadly, the 'Pig Out Deli' was closed after only a few hours due to shoddy construction after it toppled during a freak wind storm. When reached for comment, This Little Piggy Who Ate Roast Beef, said, "When it comes to your dreams, if you let the Three Little Pigs build it, a wolf will huff and puff until the whole things blows down."

Words to live by, my friend. Words to live by.

Agoraphoibic Piggy Killed in Wolf Force Winds

By j.a. kazimer
Weather Forecaster New Never News

This little piggy who stayed home due to his agoraphobia was killed over the weekend in a freak wind storm that smelled faintly of pork chops. One witness, The Big Bad Wolf, declared, "Storm. What storm? I didn't see anything."

The storm destroyed many of the straw housing units in the New Never Projects. This little piggy who stayed home will best be remembered for, staying home while his littler piggy brother ate roast beef.

Funeral serviced will be held at Daddy Bruce's Crematory and BBQ.

Obituary for This Little Piggy

By j.a. kazimer
Death Writer New Never News

A sad day for the Little Piggy Family as the eldest, and biggest piggy succumbed to salmonella poisoning after eating some tainted roast beef. This Little Piggy was best known for his skill at marketing. He will be missed.

In other news, The Butcher has a sale on pork chops. Buy one and get a second one, half price. Supplies are limited.