Obituary for This Little Piggy

Obituary for This Little Piggy
By j.a. kazimer
Death Writer New Never News

A sad day for the Little Piggy Family as the eldest, and biggest piggy succumbed to salmonella poisoning after eating some tainted roast beef. This Little Piggy was best known for his skill at marketing. He will be missed.

In other news, The Butcher has a sale on pork chops. Buy one and get a second one, half price. Supplies are limited.

Funeral for Old King Cole

by j.a. kazimer
Obit, New Never News
Happy B-Day, Mom!

Old King Cole was a merry old soul. He was also pretty damn old, dying at the ripe old age of 245. He claimed he'd lasted so long due to three things ~ his pipe, his bowl, and rock-n-roll.

He will be missed.

His funeral will be held at The Tweedle Dum, Tweedle Dee Funeral Home just off Fairy-Second Street.

Agoraphoibic Piggy Killed in Wolf Force Winds

By j.a. kazimer
Weather Forecaster New Never News

This little piggy who stayed home due to his agoraphobia was killed over the weekend in a freak wind storm that smelled faintly of pork chops. One witness, The Big Bad Wolf, declared, "Storm. What storm? I didn't see anything."

The storm destroyed many of the straw housing units in the New Never Projects. This little piggy who stayed home will best be remembered for, staying home while his littler piggy brother ate roast beef.

Funeral serviced will be held at Daddy Bruce's Crematory and BBQ.

Obituary for This Little Piggy

By j.a. kazimer
Death Writer New Never News

A sad day for the Little Piggy Family as the eldest, and biggest piggy succumbed to salmonella poisoning after eating some tainted roast beef. This Little Piggy was best known for his skill at marketing. He will be missed.

In other news, The Butcher has a sale on pork chops. Buy one and get a second one, half price. Supplies are limited.