Obituary for This Little Piggy

Obituary for This Little Piggy
By j.a. kazimer
Death Writer New Never News

A sad day for the Little Piggy Family as the eldest, and biggest piggy succumbed to salmonella poisoning after eating some tainted roast beef. This Little Piggy was best known for his skill at marketing. He will be missed.

In other news, The Butcher has a sale on pork chops. Buy one and get a second one, half price. Supplies are limited.

Asthma Blamed for Death of Three Little Pigs

by j.a. kazimer
Crime Beat, New Never News

Last night, the New Never City Corner officially ruled the death of the Three Little Pigs to be an accident. For those who don't read the New Never News regularly, all Three Little Pigs were killed last month when their brick house exploded after faced with gale force winds.

The New Never City Police suspected foul play, after a witness came forward claiming he'd seen a big and slightly bad guy with lots of hair huffing and puffing near the pigs' home.

Police soon detained The Big Bad Wolf on suspicion of Pigacide, but released him shortly after.

Detective Goldie Locks was unavailable for comment at this time.