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Prince Charming Arrested After Busting Up a Motel 6

By j.a. kazimer
Crime Beat New Never News

Award winning prince, Charming Sheen was hospitalized overnight after Motel 6 staff called police to report the prince had trashed his motel room, tearing a Geppetto off the wall. He was also seen running naked down the hallway, a white powder substance, which later turned out to be sugar, smeared across his face.

This isn't Charming's first brush with the law. He was arrested earlier this year after a domestic quarrel with 'an unnamed' fairy godmother. When asked for comment the prince's spokesman said, 'His client ate too many pixie sticks and suffered a allergic reaction.'

Obituary for This Little Piggy

By j.a. kazimer
Death Writer New Never News

A sad day for the Little Piggy Family as the eldest, and biggest piggy succumbed to salmonella poisoning after eating some tainted roast beef. This Little Piggy was best known for his skill at marketing. He will be missed.

In other news, The Butcher has a sale on pork chops. Buy one and get a second one, half price. Supplies are limited.

Old Women Arrested in Child Labor Sting. Shoe Confiscated.

By j.a. kazimer
New Never News Crime Beat

Hard times for all, but especially in the Kingdom of Tremaine, where the Old Woman Who Lives in a Shoe was recently arrested in a child labor sting. She is accused of using child labor to weave knock off handbags in her Shoe. Authorities quickly confiscated the Shoe, leaving the Old Woman and her brood of kids with one option, move into section swamp housing.

When asked, the woman responded, "I just don't know what to do!"

Ask Wizard OZ, M.D.

How can I prevent ingrown hares?

Wizard OZ, M.D:

Feed your bunny. Nobunny likes a skinny rabbit.

If you have a question, email Wizard OZ, M.D. at

Wicked Witch Declares 'I'm Not a Witch'

By j.a. kazimer
Writer-with-a-Staff New Never News
In a surprising political move, the Wicked Witch, currently running for queen of West Cin City, declared 'I'm not a witch'.

She followed her statement up with 'Bibbidi-Bobbidi-Boo', and abruptly disappeared in a puff of smoke. Which ignited a blogger's buzz of suspicion about the Wicked Witch's stance on the legalization of medicinal spells.

Did the Wicked Witch inhale? Enquirering minds want to know?

Villainous Union Repeals Don't Ask, Please, Please, Please Don't Tell

By j.a. kazimer
New Never News Staff Writer

The Villainous Union has repealed the Don't Ask, Please, Please, Please Don't Tell policy that barred gay henchmen from serving in the union in a 7 - 3 vote.

In protest of this bold action, heroes everywhere are vowing to stop wearing tights, and instead, will only wear skinny jeans.

President Ogre refused to comment, other than to say, "Ask not what you can do for your country. Just do it."