Doctors Warn of a Possible Plague of Green

by j.a. kazimer
Irish New Never News

For the past few years doctors have noticed an odd illness in ERs across New Never City every March 17th. The condition is much like the flu with symptoms ranging from headache, stomach upset, green diarrhea. Many sufferers claim memory loss and hallucinations of pink rabbits. So be vigilant this March 17th. Drink plenty of fluids, and avoid anyone who looks a little green.

Meter Maidens Claim Sexual Harassment

By j.a. kazimer
Legal News New Never News

All over New Never City, Meter Maidens are quitting, claiming sexual harassment at the hands of New Never City Parking Comissioner, Jolly Green-Gaint. Former Meter Maiden, Snow White states, "He stands around, saying things like, 'Ho Ho Ho, Green Giant' and then waggles his leafy eyebrows. It's disgusting."

The mayor of New Never City is looking into the allegations.