by Shannon Lawrence
Crime Beat, New Never News
The King Fire Department was called out to Nursery Rhyme Lane today, after reports were received of an obese, drunken man stumbling along on top of a tall stone wall lining the road. When they arrived, they found a group of children yelling “Humpty Dumpty sucks” and throwing rocks at him. He lost his balance and tumbled from the wall, breaking every bone in his body, save for the pinkie finger on his right hand. He was taken by ambulance to the King County Hospital, but the King’s men could not put Mr. Humpty together again. The children were taken into custody and police are considering charges.
There will be a sunny side up service this Friday at the King’s Horse Racetrack, where Mr. Humpty spent much of his time (and money), for all the good it did him.