Old Mother Hubbard Committed

by Alicia Howie
Crime Beat

Old Mother Hubbard of New Never City’s Bare Cupboard District has been
committed to psychiatric treatment after complaints of her roaming the
streets mumbling and aloof.

“The poor dog, the poor dog, all she ever talks about is what she
needs to fetch for that poor dog,” one passerby commented.

In fact, Old Mother Hubbard frequents the District’s businesses many
times a day for her poor dog, even appearing delusional. Many business
owners have voiced concern for her in the past, citing her stories of
the poor dog smoking, dancing, goat riding, cat feeding, and even
dressing in clothes.

“Old Mother Hubbard is a little mixed up right now,” the doctor in
charge of the dame’s psych unit reported. “Once we get her to
understand the correct concept of “fetch”, she will be free to go.
That is, of course, the dog is to do the fetching.”

Meanwhile, the poor dog has been left to tend for himself.

Rolling Men Blamed for Dog Obesity

by j.a. kazimer
Food New Never News

Community leaders are up in arms over the growing trend of dog obesity in New Never City. The problem is so widespread that dog owners have had to spread wide their front doors in order to let their dogs outside. Officials blame the problem on this old man who's favor mode of transportation is rolling home. Once there, he gives all the neighborhood dogs a bone.

Slow Economy Hits Elderly Hardiest

by j.a. kazimer
Economic, New Never News

The slow economy hits the elderly hardiest according to Old Mother Hubbard, a renowned economist with the Institute of Old People. Mother claims, "Nearly one in three old mother's have bare cupboards, and over one in two dogs have no bones."

The Mayor, Dog, declined to comment, siting his weakened state.