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Suspected Bat Molestor Captured
by j.a. kazimer Happy Birthday, Dad New Never News
New Never City Police shut down Grimm's Highway today after a local man, suspected in a string of baseball bat molestations, was pulled over and taken into custody by police. The suspect claimed, "I was merely giving Louis (the underage wooden bat in his car) a ride home." But physical evidence, in the form of the name's elongated nose, suggested there was more to his story.