Bakery Vandals Captured
By Shannon K. Lawrence
Crime Beat New Never News
A string of vandalism of local bakeries within the last few months may finally be at an end. Police took alleged vandals Hansel Ericsson and Gretel Ericsson into custody today, thanks to an anonymous tip. Calling themselves The Step-Kids, they made a defiant statement via their public defender:
“All these bakeries are run by murderous witches! They’re getting what they deserve.”
One of their victims, Jemma Stinson of Gingerbread Haus Bakery, claims the worst part is the pigeons. “Those little twerps sprinkled bread crumbs all over the place. Bread crumbs! What am I supposed to do about all these bird droppings?”
This is, indeed, a good question, as her once quaint brown store, trimmed in candy-colored glass and lights, is now completely white. When confronted, Hansel said, “That witch will be lucky if she doesn’t bake in the electric chair.”
Asked why they were so determined to punish her, he became crazed, screaming about serial killers and ovens. Police say they are investigating these statements.