By Ross D. Willard
Royal Beatdown New Never News
If it’s not one thing, it’s two others. At least that’s the way it seems to be going for the royal family these days.
The latest in a long string of lawsuits comes from, of all places, the swamp. The plaintiff, a Mr. K. Frog, alleges that he was sitting on a log after supper, singing, something that he claims ‘aides in the digestion,’ when, out of nowhere, he was accosted by a young woman.
The young woman in question, who, due to her young age, will remain nameless, set about “trying her damnedest to stick her tongue down my throat. I mean, really! A human tongue in my mouth? Disgusting!”
While the royal family is denying the media access to the young woman in question, both their attorneys, and the royal ‘spin doctors’ are already on the case. Sadly, the legal department and the social media department seem to be working quite independently of one another. Leaks from those close to the family seem to be focused on discrediting the plaintiff, claiming that he led the young woman on, convincing her that he was a prince under some kind of spell.
Legal representation for the young woman, however, appear to be building a case for cross-species sexual confusion, a highly controversial diagnosis that has many up in arms, including Mr. K. Frog himself, who is involved in a cross-species relationship of his own.
“They’re not just trying to get that little bimbo off the hook,” Mr. Frog’s long time girlfriend said, when asked, “They’re trying to make us look like freaks!”
