By Ross D. Willard
Crime Beat New Never News
Famed businessman and advisor, Thomas ‘White’ Rabbit is officially missing as of 6:37pm last night. A long time employee of the Red Queen, Thomas is perhaps best known for his perpetual tardiness due to a schedule so ridiculously packed that, as the Red Queen herself admitted, ‘no three people could handle the workload I give him.’
Mr. Rabbit’s disappearance is made all the more disturbing by the fact that it might have been preventable. According to sources inside the local police department, Mr. Rabbit made several calls to them regarding a possible stalker.
When pressed on the issue, police insist that the reports were ignored due to an issue of credibility. “His description of the woman following him varied radically every time.” One officer, who wishes to remain anonymous, explained. “Sometimes she was just a normal girl, next thing you knew, she was ten feet tall, then only a few inches. And when we asked if anyone else had seen her, the only names he could give us were from an alcoholic door mouse, and from a crazy homeless guy who sells paper hats for money when he isn’t institutionalized.”
All excuses aside, one thing is clear, if Mr. Rabbit isn’t found, and soon, the police will be explaining themselves to a jury, while Mrs. Rabbit, and her eighteen crying children look on.
