Dear Wicked Witch:
I lost my slipper at a ball the other night and the queen's idiot son picked it up. And he's been stuffing every womanly foot he sees into my slipper. He's no Prince Charming for sure, so what should I do?
~ Slipperless in New Never City
Dear Slipperless:
Find the idiot son, bash him on the head, and curse him to turn into a toad for theft of footwear. Then, coat your feet in eye-of-newt. It helps your skin adhere to glass slippers, so you will never lose your footwear again.
~ Wicked Witch
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