Ever since the first entrepreneur realized he could make a quick buck betting on the first sport, ever since the first athlete discovered that the smallest edge could mean the difference between glory and shame, cheating has been a part of sports. Normally I keep my nose out of debates about what constitutes cheating, and whether one player or another is likely to be guilty, but recent events have boiled even my blood.
In a recent grudge match, a longtime favorite racer, Harrison the Hare, known for winning nine of the last ten quarter mile races, and seven of the last ten five mile races at old McDonalds farm and racetrack, lost, in a stunning upset, to Toliver the Turtle. Toliver, who has not simply lost every race he has ever been in, but has come in dead last, each and every time, claims that simple perseverance is the secret of his victory. Toliver’s refusal, however, to submit to a urine test has created some well deserves skepticism in the racing community.
Though the unofficial status of this race means that Toliver can not be forced to submit to any kind of test, it is the view of this reporter that the questionable nature of this race should render any bets made on it moot. Even if no money was involved, and it was just a bet between two reporters on who would have to wear a dress to the next office meeting.
Ross D. Willard
