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Letter to the Editor

Dear Editor,

As a longtime reader of the New Never News, I wanted to start out by telling you how much I've enjoyed your articles over the years. The New Never News has never not been a noteworthy news source in a nation with no non-notable news networks. That said, in recent years I've become somewhat distressed by the lack of coverage of the various political issues of our day.

Certainly, you've kept us appraised of Prince Charming's all too common lapses in judgment, but when the New Never News is surprisingly silent on the larger issues. For example, recently several noted experts have suggested the possibility that Sleeping Beauty's multiple decades of bed rest may be caused, not by a curse, but Munchhausen syndrome by proxy. The fact that Sleeping Beauty's elder sister, Quite Dead Beauty, suffered a similar syndrome, and that Sleeping's symptoms occurred only after the unfortunate death of her sister do seem to lend some credence to the theory.

Also, recent accusations have surfaced against famed business mogul, Jack of the Beanstalk, that his vast fortune was gained, not through wise investments in junk bond, but through outright theft.

On these, and other issues, your paper has remained strangely silent, and I, for one, would like to know if it is a lack of interest on the part of management, or undo influences from these powerful political and business interests that have kept these stories out of the public limelight.


T.H.E. Scarecrow Jr.